


Writer's Block

by becauseISaidSo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Dysfunctional Family, Gay Character, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, Past Child Abuse, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-17 03:27:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8128666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becauseISaidSo/pseuds/becauseISaidSo
Summary: Sirius had a good thing going with the Quibbler, until he get's hit with the worst writer's block he's ever had.  Thankfully, he finds inspiration in the new cute bartender, Remus.





	1. Friday

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I've been working on this fic for a WHILE now, I have 3 maybe 4 chapters in store for it.  
> Please comment with any questions/concerns/critiques/(and of course) praise you deem worthy.  
> Happy Reading!

Sirius Black’s concentration was broken as his phone buzzed.  He resisted the urge to look at it, staring instead at his computer. He had a story to write and by god he was going to write it.  

He stared at the blank screen, the cursor pulsing madly at him.  He had his two characters locked in a battle, but he couldn’t figure out who should win.  He had both plots mapped out perfectly in his brain.  But he didn’t know which to pick.   _ Maybe I can turn it into a ‘chose your own adventure’ story, _ he thought bleakly. He needed ideas, he needed inspiration, he needed - his phone buzzed again.

_ What the hell _ , he thought, picking it up to see who it was.  It was James, he wanted Sirius to go out with him and Wormy that night.   _ Fuck _ , he thought to himself, leaning his chair back on it’s two back legs and staring at the screen in thought.

He’d promised himself that he wasn’t going to go out until he’d figured out what these characters were doing. His editor was breathing down his neck, his deadline was Monday. He’d been writing the same paragraph over and over again for a week now, though, and the most progress he’d made was fixing all the spelling errors that spell check hadn’t caught.  He stared at the cursor, thinking.  Maybe going out tonight wasn’t such a bad idea, he would often have epiphanies when he was drunk, he’d just have to make sure to write them down.

He texted James back and grinned at the quickness of the “YES YES YES” that was his response.  Then, he set his phone down, scooted his chair closer to the desk and reread the scene.   _ Nope. Nothing. _

He ran his fingers through his long hair, he needed a break.  He wasn’t getting anywhere.  He leaned back in his chair again, still staring at the cursor as it pulsed - maybe he could come up with a song to the beat of writer’s block.  He got up, he couldn’t deal with this right now.  He wandered into the living room of the duplex he shared with his two best friends, James and Peter.  The house was quiet.  James was probably still at work, he was the manager of a local coffee shop, and Peter... Sirius checked the time, 3:45, Peter was usually home by now.  He decided to find out, and knocked on Peter’s door.

“What!” Peter called from it’s depths.

“Come have a fag with me! I can’t stand this bloody story!”

“You shouldn’t have become a writer then,” said Peter, opening the door.

Sirius grinned as the two headed outside to the front porch.  The story of how he’d managed to become a writer was unbelievable at best.  He’d been 16, at boarding school with James and Peter, and they had all gotten drunk.  Drunk As Fuck Sirius has decided to pick which animal they would all be, if they’d been born animals.  James, the most level-headed and the hopeless romantic, had been deemed a stag, earning his nickname: Prongs.  Peter, short, a little dumb, but sneaky as all hell, had become a rat (something that took a lot of convincing) and gotten the name Wormtail, or Wormy for short.  Sirius hadn’t been allowed to decide for himself what animal he’d be, and after his dictations of stag and rat, James and Peter had tried hard to find an accurate animal, but also something that Sirius would have hated.  _ So they went with dog _ .  Sirius did not hate dogs, he loved dogs, which was the biggest torture of all, as he was hopelessly allergic to them.  In their drunken stupor, this had been the funniest part for Prongs and Wormy - er, James and Peter - and they’d given him the nickname, Padfoot.

James and Peter had then gone to bed, but Sirius had been too drunk to sleep.  He’d taken their animal forms and written a story about three best friends who could all turn into animals, and their adventures together.  Right there, at 2 am, start to finish.  He still hadn’t achieved even half that much ever again.  The next morning, the three of them had stumbled into their common room, and the story had still been there, sitting innocently on a table, waiting for them.  Sirius had tried to hide it, tried to make it seem like nothing, but James had gotten the better of him, and read it.  James, who happened to be on the school newspaper had insisted on printing it, after a few minor edits, of course, and exactly two months from the day they’d gotten drunk and discovered their new nicknames, Sirius had been approached by the editor of  _ The Quibbler _ , a small but stable magazine that published fiction pieces from time to time.  With-in the year, Sirius had become a monthly contributor, submitting story after story about Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, for drunken Sirius had seen no need to change their names.

“Still haven’t figured out who will win?” asked Peter once they were outside.

“No,” said Sirius, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket, and handing one to Peter, “Basically, if I go in one direction it’s a happy ending sooner, and the other, it’s a happy ending slower, they both go to the same end point so it’s more about the drama and character development that can happen before then,”

Peter nodded, knowingly, “Who is it that’s fighting again?”

“Wormtail and Padfoot,”

“And who are they fighting?”

“They’re fighting each other,”

“Oh yeah, ‘cause Wormtail betrayed Prongs and Padfoot wants revenge, that’s right,” he paused to take a drag on his cigarette.  “Why’d you turn me into a bad guy?”

“Look, I told you, my characters are not us?  They may have started out similar, but it’s been years, they’ve morphed into completely different people,”

“Padfoot still rides a motorbike,”

“You leave Elvendawrf out of this,”

Peter laughed.  Sirius couldn’t help feel a little guilty however, it was true that his characters were completely different from himself and his best friends, but he knew he subconsciously associated them with each other, and it didn’t help that they used the nicknames still. He’d never had reason to believe that his character’s antics and adventures had any effect on his relationships with James and Peter, but he did know it was a touchy subject, especially when one of them was acting out, as Wormtail was now.

As they sat on the porch, waiting for James, they turned to happier topics of conversation such as how desperate James was to get laid, and whether or not Sirius should continue bedazzling his leather jacket.

* * *

“So, where’s the party at?” asked James as he walked in the door.

Sirius and Peter looked up from their position on the couch where they’d been watching Glee - their guilty pleasure.  Sirius loved Glee.  He’d discovered it when he was still living with his parents - the Dark Times, they called it - and it had given Sirius the courage to get out of the house.  He’d run away from home and had gone to James’s house.  Mr. and Mrs. Potter had been very good to him.  He hadn’t seen anyone in his family since, except his brother occasionally.

“I don’t know,” Sirius said, cocking an eyebrow at James as he set down his bag, “You’re the one who wanted to go out,”

“Seriously, you can’t expect _us_ to come up with plans?” said Peter, smirking.

James rolled his eyes at the pair of them.  Sirius grinned back.

“Okay, I’m going to change,” James said, grabbing a piece of pizza from the mostly consumed box on the coffee table that Mrs. Potter had made them purchase, “Then we’ll go!”

“Mmkay,” said Sirius through his own mouth full of pizza.

Peter stood up, grabbed the last slice of pizza and folded up the box, picking it up to put in the recycling, “10 quid his goal will be to find a girlfriend,” he said, trying to stuff the box into the already full container.

James was  _ hopeless _ about romance, every other day he’d have a new prospect. “This cute blonde came into the shop today and we accidently touched as I gave her her coffee!”  Some were better than others. “Marlene from the bookshop next door keeps asking me my weekend plans, should I ask her out?”  But mostly he was just a fool.  “I think I’ll grow a man-bun like you, Pads, girls love man-buns,”

“I’m not taking that bet,” said Sirius, grinning.  No one in their right mind would have.  “Besides, I’ve already buggered his plans,”

Peter shot him a questioning look but, right on cue, James came out of his bedroom, glowering at Sirius, “You have my pants,” he said very seriously.

Sirius just looked at him, “I beg your pardon,”

“My getting laid pants!” said James exasperatedly, “You have them!  Wormy can’t fit in them, and they’ll look perfectly tight on you, grabbing your arse and everything, what did you do with them?”

Sirius just grinned at his friend, and crossed his legs deliberately.  James saw the movement and blanched, “What are you wearing my lucky pants for!” he yelled, looking at Sirius horror struck, “Are you planning on getting laid tonight? Because I am, give them here,”

“Told you I wouldn’t take the bet,” said Sirius, grinning at Peter.  Peter just shook his head at the pair of them.

“Get out of my pants!” James was almost shouting, “And get that stupid grin off your face,”

“Remember when you said ‘what’s mine is yours’?” asked Sirius, still deliberately sitting on the couch with his legs crossed, “I guess that doesn’t extend to your wardrobe?”

“No it doesn't-” James started, but Sirius cut him off.

“Then you need to give me back the pair of pajamas you stole from me,” Sirius crossed his arms, still grinning at James.

James quieted visibly, “You really want them back, Padfoot?  Because you have no idea where they’ve been,” a mischievous grin spread across his face.

“Gross!” said Peter, throwing his uneaten pizza crust at James.

“Oy! Don’t waste perfectly good food!” Sirius said.

“Yeah, just leave it on the floor for the dog, he eats everything anyway,” said James, grinning at Sirius.

“Bugger off,”

James rolled his eyes, picked up the pizza crust and threw it in the trash, he then turned to Sirius, “I get to keep the pajamas,” he said slowly, “And you get to wear my lucky pants,” he held out his hand, “Tonight,” he added quickly.

Sirius narrowed his eyes, “You keep the pajamas,” he said, standing up, “I get to wear your lucky pants once a week, or I take the pajamas back and you’ll never see them again,” Sirius held out his hand.

James surveyed him, “Not once a week.  Once a year, maybe,”

“Twice a month,”

“Once a quarter,”

“Once a month,”

“Deal.”

They shook.

“Are you done now?” asked Peter, “Are we going out drinking?”

James groaned, “I haven’t figured out where we’re going!” He said, sitting down on the couch and hastily opening up his laptop, “Where do you wanna go? Let’s see, Madam Puddifoot's is having a dance party, and the The Hogs Head is having a special on mead…”

Peter groaned.

“Why don’t we go somewhere new?” asked Sirius, seriously.

James looked up at him, “Like where?!”

“What about the Three Broomsticks, we haven’t been there in ages!”

James looked skeptical, “But didn’t it turn into a huge hipster joint?”

“Didn’t you say you wanted to grow a man-bun?” asked Peter, annoyed, “If that’s not hipster, I don’t know what is,”

James rolled his eyes and frowned, “Will there be girls there?”

“There are girls everywhere,” said Peter, pulling at James’s arm, “Can we  _ go _ now, please?”

* * *

The Three Broomsticks was busy.  They could hear the thud of music coming from an upper room, maybe there was a dance floor around somewhere.  Sirius eyed the crowd, it  _ was _ a lot of hipsters.

“I’ll get the drinks,” said Sirius, as they maneuvered between throngs of people, “See if you can find a seat…”

They split up, Sirius heading towards the bar, which was packed.  He noticed a group of men at one end of the bar, thoroughly talking up the pretty red-headed barmaid.  He thought he recognized one of the men and as he turned he was sure of it, it was Malfoy.  He looked away quickly - now was not the night to get into a fight - and headed towards the other end of the bar.

He waited patiently for a group of giggling girls to get out of the way, then stepped up, hoping to catch the bartender's eye.  The redhead was still being chatted up by Malfoy and his cronies, and the other one was pouring two drafts.  He eyed the second one, his mind trying to remember if he’d been working last time Sirius had been in, he didn’t think so.

The bartender finished pouring the drafts, handed them off to a couple and smiled as he took the coins they handed him.  It was then that Sirius’s world seemed to slow down.

The bartender’s smile was full and genuine but there was a hint of sadness behind his eyes.  He wore a floppy beanie that his brown curls spilled out of, framing his face. He was a little taller than Sirius, and he wore a well loved cable knit sweater that looked like it had been made by hand.  His hands were calloused and Sirius was suddenly imagining what they would feel like on his face, in his hair.  The bartender turned and met Sirius’s eyes, smiling again and coming over.

“What can I get you?”

And just like that the world sped back up again.

“Wha-?” Sirius could feel himself blushing, he blinked quickly wondering if he’d been staring.

The man eyed him questioning, “To drink, what would you like to drink?”

“Oh! Um, a Manhattan, a Gin and Tonic, and a Jack and Coke,” he knew their ‘beginning of the night’ order like the back of his hand.

The bartender smiled again, “Not all for you I hope?” he asked, smirking as he pulled down bottles and brought up glasses.

“No, my mates are over there,” he jerked his head in the general direction he’d seen James and Peter go.

“They’re lucky. My mates wouldn’t buy my drinks for me,”

“You need better mates then,” said Sirius grinning.  _ Fuck, insulting his friends, smooth Padfoot, smooth. _

The bartender smiled back, but he kept his eyes on his work. Sirius watched his hands. He moved with an effortless grace that he hadn’t seen in many people. The glasses filled, the mixers shook, and it all seemed like one fluid movement. In no time at all there were three glasses filled in front of Sirius, he was a little disappointed. He suddenly wanted every excuse in the world to stay here and watch the bartender’s hands.

Instead, Sirius handed the bartender his card.

“Open or closed?”

Sirius considered, “Open,” he said, smiling.  The bartender smiled back and Sirius picked up the drinks, turning and maneuvering carefully back through the crowd of people towards James and Peter.

“It is crazy in here!” said James, gleefully, as Sirius joined them, “I can only imagine what upstairs looks like,”

“We can go there next,” said Peter, taking his Gin and Tonic from Sirius and leaning back against the window so he could watch the whole room.

“Did you see the bartender?” asked James, grinning at Sirius.

Sirius stopped, had he really been that obvious?

“Well, I did order drinks,” said Sirius, slowly, sitting down next to James.

“Did you talk to her? What’s her voice like? Do you think she’s single?”

Sirius paused, confused.  Then he remembered the redhead.

“Oh! No, I didn’t talk to her, I talked to the other one,” Sirius looked back towards the bar, he could just see the curly haired bartender through the crowd pouring a line of shots for a group of girls.

“Dammit,” James slumped in his seat, twisting around looking at the crowd.

Sirius sipped his Jack and Coke thoughtfully, one eye on the bartender as James scoured the crowd for prospective girlfriends. It was then Sirius remembered-

“Malfoy’s here,”

“What?!” James whipped his head around so quickly Sirius could hear it crack, “What is that fucking wanker doing here?” James gave Sirius a stern look, “You didn’t talk to him did you?”

“He’s not stupid,” said Peter as Sirius shook his head.

“Nah, and I don’t think he saw me, he was with a bunch of blokes.  But if they start anything, you bet I’m finishing it, mate,” he gave James a determined glare, “It’s them that started this all to begin with, I’m not taking anything lying down,”

“I wouldn’t expect you to,” said James, a little defensively.

Sirius slumped back in his seat.  They had gone to boarding school with Malfoy and they had not exactly liked each other. Malfoy was arrogant, a bully, and a homophobe.  They had managed to avoid each other for the first part of their time there, but then Sirius’s brother had come to school.  Regulus was sweet, quiet, always aiming to please.  He was their parents’ favorite.  By the time Reg had joined them at boarding school, his parents had already written Sirius off as a lost cause.  Malfoy had seen Reg as a useful partner, seeing as everyone liked him.  Reg had soon become another member of Malfoy’s little gang.  It was that more than anything that had made Sirius run away from home.  He’d always gotten along relatively well with his brother, but Sirius found it extremely difficult to be near him when he was on his ‘Malfoy high’.

Their talk turned to happier conversations.  Peter’s work was going well - though neither James nor Sirius really understood what he did.  James was still trying to flirt with Marlene from the next door coffee shop though he didn’t know if he was getting anywhere.  In almost no time at all, their first round was finished and James was suggesting they go check out the dance room.

“You know the thing I don’t like about straight bars,” said Sirius as they climbed the steps following the music, “The distinct lack of gay men,”

Peter chuckled behind him.

“It’s not exactly a piece of cake going to Puddifoot's with you though,” said James from the front of the line.

“Half the girls who go to gay bars are straight,” said Sirius, “You at least have a chance, me being here though - it’s hopeless,”

“Weren’t you the one who wanted to go some place new?” asked James as they entered the dance room.

Sirius just grinned.

“You’ve got no room to complain, Padfoot,” said Peter grinning.

Sirius laughed, “It’s not like it makes much of a difference to you, does it?” he asked.

Peter just shrugged, “I like looking,” Sirius laughed again.  Peter was both asexual and aromantic.  He could appreciate someone’s attractiveness, but had no desire to be sexual or romantic with anyone.  When asked about relationships he would often say, “I want someone to stare at and to cuddle with occasionally, so long as we don’t spend too much time together,”  He had learned James and Sirius’s types, however, and as a result was one of the best wing-men out there.

James disappeared into the crowd as Peter and Sirius tried to scope out a spot that wasn’t too crowded and wasn’t right next to the bathroom. He returned a minute later with drinks.

“The bartender up here isn’t nearly as hot as the one downstairs,” he said, leaning into the two of them with that ‘here comes the tipsy train’ air about him.

“You gonna talk to the one downstairs?” asked Peter, laughing as James draped an arm around him.

James blanched, “I need to be a  _ lot _ drunker before I could do that,” he said, seriously.

Sirius grinned at them, but his mind was wandering back to the curly haired bartender.  His movements had seemed as effortless as floating, yet his arms had held so much strength beneath that sweater...

“-yet?”

Sirius suddenly became aware that he hadn’t been listening and that Peter’s last question had been directed to him, “What?”

“Any ideas yet? You know? For W.P.P.?”

“Oh!” Sirius ran his fingers through his hair, nothing had come to him yet.  Though he’d spent a lot more time thinking about the bartender and Malfoy skulking around than anything else, “No not yet,”

Peter eyed him cautiously. “That’s alright!” said James, clapping Sirius on the shoulder, “You’ll figure something out! You always do!”

Sirius grinned at his friends, “Thanks,”

They danced for sometime.  Peter bought the third round of drinks and James almost made out with a girl on the dance floor.  Mostly Sirius stood in his corner with Peter, catching, trying not to daydream about the curly haired bartender, and trying to figure out what his characters could do.

“Si!” the hale seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere at once. Sirius, who’d been moving up to the bar to get a round of shots for them all, turned around, peering through the crowd.

“Si!” the voice said again, closer this time.  Then, Regulus, Sirius’s brother, came fighting through the crowd of people towards him.

“Reg!” Sirius hugged his brother, “What’re you doing here?”

“Oh, you know,” Reg rubbed the back of neck a little nervously, grinning, “I’m here most Friday night’s actually,”

“Really?!” Sirius grinned, “I haven’t been here in ages, it was not nearly as popular the last time I was here,”

“Yeah!” Reg grinned, “You can thank Malfoy for that.  He bought the property and rebranded it a few months ago,”

Sirius blinked at this piece of news, “You mean Rosmerta doesn’t own it anymore?”

“Well, she’s still the manager and everything, kind of runs the place, but no, Malfoy bought it for The Riddle Corporation.  I think they’re trying to buy Madam Puddifoot's next,”

“Oh,” Sirius’s brain was whirling with this new information, and the crush of people was not helping his brain function, “Look, Reg, do you still smoke? Wanna come outside with me?”

“Sure,” The brothers headed for the door.

When they reached the stairs, Sirius went to go down them but Reg grabbed his arm, “Have you not been to the roof yet? You’ve gotta see it,” so Sirius followed him obligingly up the flight onto a rooftop deck.  

It was absolutely beautiful, you could see for miles, the little village of Hogsmeade was splayed out before them, the street lights creating a grid pattern, and the background dominated by the castle of Hogwarts - the boarding school they had all gone to.  

Reg grinned at the look on Sirius’s face, “Nice isn’t it?”

“Very nice,” said Sirius, looking around still, “how come no one is up here?”  The roof only had a scattering of people.

“It’s VIP only,” said Reg, proudly, “I waved the bouncer off when we went up stairs, didn’t you notice?”

“No,” said Sirius, truthfully, “So you’re a VIP member?”

“Yeah! It comes with working for the company. I’m in charge of the Leaky Cauldron account in London, and the Honeydukes account here in Hogsmeade, so I’ve got VIP passes to basically anywhere I want,”

Sirius studied his brother, he’d missed a lot it seemed. Idly he took his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, took one out, and lit it, then he offered the pack to his brother, “No, I’m set,” Reg said, and pulled a large boxy contraption from an inside pocket of his coat.  

“What is that?” he asked as Reg put his lips around a small spigot at one end and inhaled.

“It’s a vape,” Reg said, exhaling a huge dense cloud of smoke that smelled oddly of raspberries, “Vaporizer, it’s cleaner and healthier than fags,”

Sirius just shook his head and studied his brother, “So, when did you start working for Malfoy?” he asked.  

“About six months ago,” Reg grinned, obviously very pleased with himself.  Sirius felt a little sick.

The Riddle Corporation had been around for about 10 years.  It’s goal seemed to be to own all of Great Britain, and it was succeeding very well.  It had bought out the Leaky Cauldron in London about five years previously, in a very messy, very public manner.  Locals had complained that the Riddle Corporation was destroying the neighborhood, and putting locals out of business.  The old owner of the Leaky Cauldron had held a highly scrutinized press conference where he’d told everyone about the terrible conditions the Riddle Corporation was putting his old employees through.  Since then, the Riddle Corporation had taken to hiring new people whenever they took over a business, rather than keeping the old one’s on.  It struck Sirius suddenly that that was why he hadn’t recognized any of the bartenders.  He was glad to hear that Rosmerta (who’d spent her life building the Three Broomsticks) had not been dismissed, though he didn’t think that was standard operating procedure.

“Do you like it?” asked Sirius, warily.  He wanted to give Reg the benefit of the doubt, but from everything he knew, or suspected, the Riddle Corporation was not a good place to be.

“Yeah I do!” Reg seemed genuine and eager and part of Sirius’s stomach seemed to drop in disappointment, “I’ve really made a name for myself there, you know,”

“I’m happy that you’re happy,” Sirius clapped his hand on Reg’s shoulder, trying to avoid the latest cloud of raspberry smoke.

“Thanks!” Reg smiled.

“You said something about the Riddle Corporation buying Madam Puddifoot’s?” said Sirius after a minute.  There was a weight in his stomach that didn’t want to go away.

“Oh yeah, that old place,” said Reg, still grinning, “Well you know Mrs. Puddifoot herself is getting up in age, and we think she’ll be looking to sell soon, anyway it’s no longer the tea shop for couples it used to be.  I’m not sure if you knew this but,” Reg lowered his voice a little, “It’s turned into kind of a seedy place, rumor has it it’s a home for prostitutes,”

Sirius stepped back from his brother, “Have you ever actually been there?”

“No, of course not!” Regulus looked scandalized, “Why, have you?  Are you okay?” Regulus looked worried now, “Look I know that the writer’s life is a hard one, but I thought you had a good thing going with the Quibbler.  I can help out if you’re going those measures just for some money-”

“IT’S A GAY BAR,” shouted Sirius.  The temper he’d been keeping in check so well was now boiling over.  The small groups of people on the deck with them all went quiet, staring at the two of them.  

“Si, I think you should keep your voice-”

“It’s not a brothel, it’s not a front, it’s a fucking gay bar!  And it’s the only one in town!” Sirius threw his half finished cigarette on the ground, not caring if it went out or not, and turned to leave.

“Si!” Reg called after him.  

Sirius stopped at the doorway to the stairs, and turned, “If you want to tear down the only part of my community I have, that’s fine.  But don’t expect  _ us _ to be okay anymore,”

“Si, we just want to make it more family friendly,” his voice was patronizingly calm, as if he was talking to a small child.

Sirius gripped the doorframe for support, doing his best not to throw something at his brother, “Malfoy’s really done a number on you, Reg, hasn’t he?” Without waiting for a response, he turned and headed down the stairs.

Half way down, he heard the door bang and Reg’s voice shouting, “YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HIM, AREN’T YOU!?”

Sirius was so surprised to hear Regulus shouting, let alone the words that came out of his mouth that he stopped in his tracks and looked up as Reg trotted down the stairs towards him.  His brother’s jaw was set and there was no more laughter in his eyes.

“What are you talking about?” asked Sirius, eyeing his brother.

“That’s why you can’t stand me being around him,” said Reg, as if explaining the simplest thing in the world, “You’re in love with him,”

“Not to disappoint you, but just because I like men, does not mean I like ALL men,” said Sirius, his voice quivering with the effort to keep calm.

Regulus changed attacks with maddening speed, “Then what is it? You’re jealous?”

“Jealous of what?!”

Reg laughed maniacally, “Because he’s the big brother you never could be!”

Sirius felt the color draining from his face.  There was a hand over his heart and it was squeezing so tightly he thought it might burst.  “I did the best I could,” he said slowly and calmly, not able to meet Regulus’s eyes.

But Reg’s anger was growing now, his voice cracked, “I needed you.  And you weren’t there!  You were NEVER THERE!” he banged his fist into the wall on the last two words.  Sirius turned away, and kept going down the stairs, he couldn’t listen to this, he needed to get away, “STOP RUNNING!” the words cut through him like a sword, “All you do is RUN! You ran from Dad! You ran from Mum! Now you’re running from ME! I’m your BROTHER! What did I ever do to you?!”

“I ran because I HAD TO!” Sirius wasn’t looking at his brother, “I ran because they chased me!”

“They NEVER chased you! They only wanted you to-”

“TO BE LIKE YOU!” Sirius turned.  The landing between them seemed to stretch an eternity.  “They NEVER cared for me like they did for you, and as soon as I was  _ different _ -” Sirius stopped, trying to compose himself, “they didn’t want to love me, they wanted me to  _ change _ ,”

“Then why didn’t you?” Regulus spat.

The words struck him by surprise.  Of all the things they’d said to each other in the last few minutes, these were the most surprising. “What?”

“What didn’t you change?”

“I can’t,”

“You could,” Regulus’s voice was calmer now, and he began descending the stairs towards Sirius. “You could change if you really wanted to,”

Sirius laughed, “It doesn’t work that way, Reg, you don’t know what you’re-”

“But it does,” Regulus looked so earnest that Sirius didn’t know whether to laugh or be scared.  “I know it works that way because I did it,”

Sirius blinked,  _ what was he saying?... _

“Back in school, Malfoy and I weren’t just friends, Si, we- we were lovers,” Sirius took a step back, staring at his brother, seeing him in a whole new light. “Then Lucius’s father found out and told us to put an end to it, so we did.  It was hard, sure, but it’s completely doable. He’s engaged to Narcissa now, our cousin? I introduced them,” Regulus smiled at Sirius, “So I do know what I’m talking about when I say that you  _ can _ change,”

The silence seemed to last hours.

“Did you love him?” Sirius asked, studying his brother.

Regulus grinned and rubbed the back of his neck, “It doesn’t matter,”

_ That settled that _ .

Without another word, Sirius’s trotted down the stairs, Regulus’s voice pleading behind him, past the landing to the dance room, and out into the main bar.  It was a little less crowded than before.  There was Malfoy, sitting with a bunch of his cronies, still chatting up the redhead who looked thoroughly displeased with the lot of them.  Malfoy spotted him when he was halfway around the bar and rose to meet him.  But before either of them could say anything, Sirius had swung his arm back and punched Malfoy squarely in the face.

There were screams from a couple of girls nearby, and Malfoy’s entire entourage stood up as one, surrounding him.  But before they could move Sirius had grabbed hold of Malfoy’s jacket and pulled him close, getting in his face.

“What gave you the right?” he hissed.

Malfoy was spluttering a little bit, blood gushing from both nostrils. Without preamble, he spat in Sirius’s face.

Sirius felt strong arms pulling him away from Malfoy and shouts from people around him, but ignored them. “He fucking loved you, and you shat all over it you fucking coward!” Sirius wasn’t even fully aware of what he was saying.  He wanted to get to Malfoy to tear him apart, to make him see sense, and to smash his stupid face in all at once.

The arms that were holding him were slowly dragging him backwards.  Somewhere in the back of his brain he knew he was being literally thrown out of the bar, but he didn’t care.  He thrashed vainly and he kept yelling at Malfoy. “You taught him that it’s okay to change because people want you to! You taught him to ignore himself! How dare you! You’ve never lived it yourself have you? You’ve never been fucking proud! Try being fucking proud for once you fucking coward! Try it! You’re too fucking scared of what everyone else will think!! Stop giving a shit for fucking once! And now all you want is to take it away from everyone else! Not everyone lives in the fucking dark like you, Malfoy! What gave you the right?!”

Malfoy was standing in his throng, regarding Sirius with amusement, watching as Sirius was bodily dragged from the Three Broomsticks.

“I own the place, Black!” Malfoy drawled, “Don’t fucking forget who’s in charge,”

The front door slammed open and Sirius tried to get his feet before he was thrown.  The bouncer didn’t throw him though, simply kept dragging him until they were both outside and the front door had slammed shut.  Sirius was dropped and he landed hard on his shoulder.  It had started to snow and already there was a faint dusting on the cobblestones.

“Jesus fucking christ, mate,”

Sirius looked up at the bouncer.  It wasn’t a bouncer at all, it was James.  He was breathing heavily, his hands on his knees.

“James?”

“Yeah! What you fucking wanker?  What’ve you go to say for yourself?”

Sirius blinked.  The anger that had come pouring out at Malfoy was now gone, subdued for the moment by the presence of his best friend.

“I thought you weren’t gonna pick a fight with Malfoy tonight, mate.  We fucking talked about it!” James was glaring at him, still panting.

“I know,” Sirius pushed himself up into a sitting position on the ground, “I’m sorry man,” after a moment he asked, “Where’s Wormy?”

“He’ll be along.  We split up to look for you when you never came back with those shots.  He’s checking the bathrooms.  I wouldn’t have known where you were if I hadn’t heard Reg’s voice on the stairs.  He was shouting your name.  Pads, what happened?”

Sirius shook his head.  He couldn’t form words.  He didn’t  _ know _ what had happened.  James narrowed his eyes but didn't press the matter.

“You made quite a scene though, mate,” James continued, “I doubt they'll let you back there in a hurry,” James chuckled as he held out a hand, helping Sirius to his feet.

“I don't think I'll want to go back in a hurry,” said Sirius, accepting the hand and standing up.

James frowned at his friend, “Wanna talk about it?”

“Not now,” said Sirius, he was suddenly extremely tired. James nodded, knowingly.

“Wanna go home? I'll text Wormy, let him know,”

Sirius nodded. He shoved his hands deep in his pockets, shivering slightly. The past 20 minutes had completely sobered him up and he was wishing he’d brought his jacket.

James typed out a quick message to Peter and the two of them started walking in the direction of their house. They walked in a comfortable silence, James striding a little closer to Sirius than he would usually. Sirius appreciated it. It was nonverbal comfort and was very welcome.

When they got home, James put the kettle on for tea as Sirius went into his room. He peeled off his soaking shirt (as it was still snowing) and replaced it with a clean one. He also grabbed a blanket off his bed, and wrapped it around himself. He spotted his laptop, still open at his desk, the white background of his text editor screaming at him. He slammed the top of the laptop down, resisting the urge to yell and cry at the same time, and went out into the living room.

“Black or green?” Asked James as he reappeared.

“Black, with whiskey,” James grinned as Sirius reached into an upper cabinet to get the alcohol.

They made the tea in a comfortable silence and curled up on the couch. Sirius knew James was waiting for an explanation, but he wasn't ready to give it.

“Thank you,” he said, quietly, after a few moments.

James looked at him, “Of course, man,”

Sirius leaned into his best friend and closed his eyes. He didn't want to think about the night. Malfoy's face as he'd been thrown out kept swimming in front of his eyes. He wanted it blocked. He wanted it gone. He didn't want to think-

There was a clatter of keys in the door, swiftly followed by Peter. There was snow in his hair. He nodded at the two of them, Sirius grinned slightly in return. Peter made his way into the kitchen, fixing the tea James had left out for him. He came out into the living room, standing in the doorway, cupping his mug, a worry line etched across his forehead.

“What happened?”

Sirius looked up at him, “I got in a fight with Reg, then I punched Malfoy in the face,”

James shifted next to him, he hadn't told him yet about the Regulus part. Peter nodded, surveying him, “You okay?”

Sirius couldn't bring himself to speak. All of a sudden the warmth and comfort he was so craving seemed to be being siphoned away from him. He sat up on the couch, untangling himself from James in the process, and put his head in his hands. It wasn't anger that was enveloping him now, it was shame.

If only he'd been able to keep his temper in check, they'd still be at the Three Broomsticks having a grand old time. If he hadn't yelled at Reg, hadn't pushed him to the point of making him confide in Sirius, he never would have punched Malfoy. The brothers had a history of shit going wrong when they confided in each other, he should have known better! He'd been stupid. So stupid. And now James and Peter were being so good to him, and they didn't even know why. They were caring for him and treating him tenderly without any proof that he’d been in the right. It wasn't fair to them. They needed to know why. They needed to decide for themselves if he was worth supporting.

Sirius opened his mouth, his palms pushing into his eye sockets as if not seeing would make it so he couldn't feel.

“Reg-” he stopped. He didn't want to talk about it. He just wanted to forget. He'd been so stupid, why must he relive it for them now?

“You can tell us tomorrow, mate,” said Peter from above him. His voice was casual, not the ‘bedside of a sick patient’ voice he'd used before, but matter of fact. Sirius looked up at him. The worry line in his forehead was gone and he looked kindly, “Tell us tomorrow, or Sunday for that matter. It's okay, you don't need to tell us now,”

Sirius look around at James who nodded. Sirius felt a huge wave of gratitude towards his friends. He picked up his mug and drained it, the whiskey burning his throat.

“Thanks,” he choked.

There was a moment of stillness, then Peter said, “I'm gonna go to bed, I've got work tomorrow,”

“You're working tomorrow?” James seemed exasperated, “But it's Saturday!”

“So?” Peter grinned, “you're working tomorrow too!”

“Fuck that's right,” James seemed to deflate next to him.

“G’night!” Peter called, and he headed down the hallway towards his room.

“You go to bed, I'll be fine,” said Sirius, looking at James.

James frowned at him, “are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Sirius grinned at his friend, “Thanks man,”

James stood up, “Don't stay up too late,” he looked at Sirius, worriedly.

“I won't,” Sirius waved as James headed to his room.

The house was quiet. Vaguely, Sirius could hear their upstairs neighbors coming home. The couple that lived in the upper duplex were insufferably cute. Only a few years older than Sirius and his friends, they seemed to have their lives together much more than Sirius could ever dream of. Frank and Alice were James’s relationship goals, and for the first time, Sirius felt something in his heart that made him want the same thing.  He had James and Peter, of course, the two people he cared most for, he might even still have Regulus if this night hadn’t cost him his job, but for the first time in a long time Sirius was pining for something more.  He listened to Frank and Alice move about their apartment, heard them lock the front door, muffled sounds of conversations coming through the ceiling, then their footsteps moved towards the back of the house, he heard a door close, and all was still.

_ It is a beautiful thing, to be loved _ .

Silent tears were sliding down his face, but he ignored them. He went into the kitchen, poured himself some water from the tap, and sat back on the couch, pulling out his phone as he did so.

Six games and two hours later, Sirius’s mind was finally blank. Blinking at his watch, that part of him that made him shower every day reminded him that bed would help. He sighed deeply, picked up his mug and water glass and brought them into the kitchen before heading to his own bedroom. He pulled from his pockets his keys, his phone and his wallet and threw them on his desk. He was just undoing his pants when he remembered something.

He picked up his wallet, it felt a little different. He opened it and swore. His card wasn't there. He closed his eyes in silent frustration. He'd opened his tab at the downstairs bar and had never closed out. He looked at his watch - 2:15 - if he left now, they might still be open, last call wasn't until 2:30, he could get his card now and not have to show his face in the light of day.

His hands shoved deep in his pockets, his leather jacket securely around him, Sirius left the house and started walking back towards the bar. The snow had picked up in the last 3 hours and he was starting to wish he’d grabbed a hat.

He muttered curses to himself as he walked, the anger and sadness from earlier all the while threatening to overtake him once more.

The bar was quiet, not even the smatterings of people usually bedecking the sidewalks right after last call.

He looked in the windows, the redheaded barmaid was wiping down the bar, but no one else was in sight. He tried the door, it was locked.

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ,”

He kicked the side of the steps in frustration, achieving nothing besides a hurt foot.

“Can I help you?” The voice took him by surprise.

Sirius turned, it was the curly haired bartender who’d gotten their first round of drinks. Sirius instantly felt himself blush. It just had to be the cute one who he talked to, of course.

“Um, yeah,” Sirius rubbed the back of his neck nervously, not wanting to meet the other man’s eye, “you might not remember but I-”

“Opened a tab and then punched the boss man before being dragged out of here by your buddy? Yeah, I remember,”

Sirius looked up, he hadn't remembered him being there for the Malfoy part. His eyes met the bartender’s and he felt his blush deepen.

The bartender grinned, “Don't worry, I'll go get your card,”

“Thanks,” said Sirius a little breathlessly. The bartender left, walking around the back of the building. Sirius watched the windows and sure enough, he reemerged from a back room and headed to the register. Sirius saw him say something to the redhead who glanced out the window at Sirius and giggled. Sirius didn't think his blush would go away until spring. The bartender shook his head at her and grabbed something from out of the register, before disappearing again into the back room. The redhead waved after him.

“Here you go,” he said, once he’d come back around the front of the building.

“Thanks,” said Sirius, taking the card embarrassedly and stowing it in his wallet. “Sorry, about that,”

The bartender waved his hand as if to say, ’it was nothing’, “you put on quite a show. I can't really complain,”

“Well, I'm glad it was enjoyable for you,” Sirius fiddled with his wallet. He wasn't sure why, but he didn't want to go.

“You okay?” Sirius looked up, the brown eyes of the other man were warm and comforting. He was looking at Sirius like a friend.

He responded without really thinking about what he was saying, “No, no I'm not okay,”

The other man studied him, “look, I get off in a few minutes. Wanna hang around? Talk about it?”

Sirius was surprised, “you don't have to- I mean. You don't know me, I'm sorry, that's not right of me to-”

“Don't worry about it,” the bartender cut him off, smiling, “sometimes talking to a stranger is easier than talking to friends,”

Sirius blinked. The other man was serious. “O-okay,” he stammered, “yeah, uh, thanks,”

“I'm Remus, by the way” the bartender smiled, “Remus Lupin,”


	2. Remus's Friday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus runs into an old friend and gets a beautiful customer who makes some poor choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This is a Nanowrimo post, so basically it's unedited.... sorry... HAPPY READING!

“LUPIN!” shouted his manager, “Break’s over!”

Remus Lupin crumpled up his sandwich wrapper and threw it in the trash as he came out of the kitchen.  It was slow at the Three Broomsticks, but it was still early.  Rosmerta, his manager, was wiping glasses down at the far end of the bar. “There you are,” she said when he appeared, “Look, I’ve hired someone new, and I want you to train her today,”

“Train her?” Remus was shocked, “But, I haven’t been here that long,”

“You know this place almost as well as I do.  Just show her the ropes, teach her the POS system and you’ll be alright.  She’s supposed to be here at 4,”

“Alright,” said Remus nervously.  He’d never trained anyone before. He’d been working at the Three Broomsticks for a little over six months, and he’d picked it up quickly enough, but he wasn’t sure he’d be any good at teaching what he’d learned to someone else.  Remus busied himself with straightening the bar glasses while he waited.

Remus didn’t necessarily like waiting, but he’d - unfortunately - gotten very good at it.  Remus had spent much of his secondary school career (and some of university) waiting.  Waiting for visitors, waiting for medication, waiting for doctors and patients and therapy.  He had gotten so good at waiting that he wasn’t sure how he had managed life before.  Waiting represented certainly, a schedule, it was a constant companion.  It was nice, having a schedule and keeping to it, it lacked surprises and unpleasant happenings.  Suddenly having to train a new bartender, on a Friday night of all nights, definitely counted as an unpleasant happening, however.  He breathed deeply, trying to calm his nerves, and also grinning inwardly at the fact that Rosmerta trusted him enough to train someone new.  His chest filled with a small sense pride at the thought.

Not that she had much choice anymore. Ever since the Riddle Corporation had swooped in and taken over, the changes had been drastic. Remus and Rosmerta were the only two who had been allowed to stay on after the acquiring. The roof had been turned into an outdoor deck and the billiards room upstairs had been turned into a club. Different people had started showing up too, younger, more expensive people.

“At least we're still making money,” Rosmerta would say, though Remus knew she longed for the days where she could enjoy a glass of sherry with the Mayor and gossip with the local housewives. They no longer visited anymore and Remus was sure - though he'd never tell Rosmerta this - that they'd found a quieter place to sit and gossip.

The bell over the door tinkled and Remus looked up.  A woman, about his age with long red hair and brilliant green eyes, came through the door.

“There you are,” said Rosmerta, going to her, “This is Remus,” she motioned to Remus, still standing awkwardly behind the counter.

Remus stared, _it couldn’t be_.

“Remus?” said the woman, seeing him for the first time, her jaw dropping open as an unmistakable smile split across her face.

“Lily!”

Remus ran out from behind the bar and picked the woman up in a huge bear hug, she was laughing and squealing with delight, hugging him tightly.  He put her down, grinning.

“How are you!?”

“It’s been so long!”

“What’re you doing in Hogsmeade?”

“How long have you worked here?”

“I just moved to town!”

“I can’t believe you’re here!”

They were babbling, barely listening to each other, huge ridiculous grins adorning their faces.  Remus became aware of Rosmerta standing not far from them, but he didn't care.

Remus had met Lily at university, they'd been hall mates and had become friends instantly. Their friendship had grown once Lily had introduced Remus to _Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs_ , a monthly fiction piece in _The Quibbler_ about 3 best friends who could turn into animals. They’d gone bananas over it. The friends went on adventures, fell in love, broke promises, and renewed friendships all under the mildly sarcastic tone of a bad romance novel. It was glorious.

Their friendship had lulled however, when Remus had been hospitalized in their final year, causing him to have to take some time off. Lily had graduated and moved to London where, in the absence of face to face contact, had lost track of Remus who was attempting to finish school while confined to a bed for six months. They'd exchanged the occasional phone call over the years, but they'd become fewer and far between as Remus recovered and Lily moved up in her new job. Remus was still trying to finish that last semester of university and had taken the job at the Three Broomsticks to keep him busy and to help with the university and medical bills that were still piling up.

“It seems you two already know each other,” said Rosmerta, smiling weakly at the pair of them.

“We went to university together,” said Remus, still grinning down at Lily.

They spent the next few hours catching up under the guise of Remus showing Lily how the bar ran.  Lily had moved back to Hogsmeade to get away from her ex-boyfriend. Severus had gone to University with them, and he had always had a huge thing for Lily.  They started going out their final year, right before Remus had been hospitalized.  They’d moved to London together.  Lily had broken up with him about six months ago, and Snape had not taken it well.  He had started harassing and stalking Lily, showing up at her workplace unannounced, and haunting her apartment building.

“I had to get away from him,” she said, not fully meeting Remus’s eyes, “he didn't like me rejecting him in school, you remember. But once we actually had something it was even harder for him,”

“I'm so sorry Lils,”

Remus hadn’t been able to put his finger on it at the time, but he had never liked their relationship, but he hadn't counted on Snape having quite this extreme of a reaction.

“Scotland's a good place to get away to,”

Lily laughed weakly, “I guess so,”

* * *

 

The bar was busy.  Boss man (his real name was Lucius Malfoy but they all called him boss man) had arrived with his usual Friday night crew. Lily and Remus were working the bar, ringing people up as they closed their tabs, opening new ones, trying not to spill too much beer on the floor.  At about 10:30, boss man ordered a round of drinks from Lily and instead of retreating back to his table in the corner, stayed at the bar trying to chat her up.

There wasn't a whole lot that she could do, Rosmerta had told them both to keep boss man happy. They'd gotten wind that he’d fired the last manager of an acquisition because he wasn't served first, and none of them wanted to take that chance.

The bar grew steadily busier and Lily remained trapped in her corner with boss man. Remus picked up the slack easily but prayed he wouldn't need to use the facilities anytime soon.

He finished pouring two drafts of beer for an older couple who looked thoroughly out of place, turned, and almost dropped the glasses.  

A man had appeared next to the couple, he was nothing short of beauty.  He was a little shorter than Remus, with long, wavy, black hair that, even in it’s currently rumpled state, framed his face perfectly.  He had a strong jaw and bright grey eyes.  He was wearing a plain white T-shirt and skinny jeans that were only helping him. His belt peeked out from under his shirt, it was black and had a word bedazzled on it.  Remus couldn’t read the word, but it started with a P.  The man looked as if he could have come out of a magazine. Remus was instantly attracted.  He dropped the beers off, smiled at the couple as they handed him the coins, and turned to the man.

“Wha- what can I get you?” he asked, his voice stumbling over the words, he felt like he needed a good slap.

“Wha-?” The man blinked several times, quickly closing his mouth.  Remus didn’t want to think it possible but he was pretty sure he’d just been getting checked out by the gorgeous newcomer. He felt his cheeks flush slightly.

“To drink, what would you like to drink?” he said, as professionally as he could manage.

“Oh! Um, a Manhattan, a Gin and Tonic, and a Jack and Coke,” the man was ordering from memory, his gaze never leaving Remus’s.  He spoke with certainty, this was clearly a usual request, though Remus knew he’d never seen the man before. He would have remembered.

Remus smiled, “Not all for you I hope?”

 _God dammit, an alcoholic joke? Really!?_ Remus wanted to kick himself, but instead started pulling out what he needed for the drinks, not wanting to meet the other man's eyes, afraid of what he might find in them.

“No, my mates are over there,” the man jerked his head towards the other side of the room, Remus noted out of the corner of his eye that he was smiling. _No offense taken then, hopefully._ Remus glanced at where the man had motioned, there were two men sitting at a table by the window, maybe that’s who he was talking about?

“They’re lucky,” he said, still not meeting the man’s eyes, “my mates wouldn’t buy my drinks for me,” Remus reflected sadly for a moment that he no longer had a consistent group of friends, ever since Frank and Alice had gotten married at least.

“You need better mates then,” said the man grinning.

Remus grinned back, meeting his grey eyes for a fraction of a second, then turning back to his work.  He mustn't seem flustered. He must remain calm and suave and demore. The man probably wasn't even gay, why on earth was Remus so _affected_!?

Remus finished the drinks and put them one by one on the counter. He’d put a bit more Jack in the Jack and Coke than he usually would have. He knew he was being stupid, it wasn't like the man had told him which drink was for him, but Remus had gotten good at guessing people's favorites.

The man handed Remus his card. It was warm from his hand and Remus resisted the urge to look down at the name right then and there.

“Open or closed?”

The man considered, “Open,” he said, grinning. That grin was infectious, Remus didn’t want to stop looking at it.

He grinned back, however, nodding. The man hadn’t been checking him out, he couldn’t have been. _Friendly or gay? Friendly or gay?_ The question bobbed around in his head as he watched the man masterly carry the three drinks back over to the table by the window.

Remus turned to put the card in the register, breathing deeply, trying to make his face neutral. “Sirius,” he whispered under his breath, reading the card at last, “Sirius Black,”

* * *

 

He heard the yells from the back and hurried out into the bar. It took Remus several seconds before he fully registered what was happening.

The beautiful man from earlier, Sirius, was grabbing hold of boss man's shirt and yelling at him. Boss man’s nose was bleeding, it looked as if Sirius had just punched him.

He quickly ducked under the bar, shouting, but before he could make a move towards Sirius, one of his mates had appeared, hooking his arms around Sirius, and pulling him away from Malfoy. Sirius was still yelling, not quite getting to his feet as his friend dragged him towards the door.

Remus looked at the men, about to reprimand them, but the words Sirius was yelling made him stop.

“You’ve never lived it yourself, have you? You’ve never been fucking proud! Try being fucking proud for once you fucking coward!”

 _Try being proud_. The words seemed to echo in Remus’s brain, as Sirius’s mate dragged him out of the bar, the door slamming closed behind them.

Malfoy’s voice brought Remus back to life, “That fucking faggot,” Remus turned. Malfoy was standing by the bar, his face bloody, glaring out the windows, “he just loves sticking his nose where he's not wanted,”

Remus looked around, Lily was nowhere to be seen, and Rosmerta was still upstairs, that made Remus the authority figure for the moment. The quiet that had accompanied Sirius’s departure was breaking. The people at the tables slowly working their way back to normality. A few tables cleared as their occupants left. Remus walked over to Malfoy.

“I'm terribly sorry, sir,” he said, not fully meeting boss man's eyes, “please let us take care of your bill for the night,” Malfoy nodded, “is there anything else I can get you?”

Malfoy studied him, “a rag,” he said bluntly, his nose was still bleeding, “and your best draft,”

Remus nodded, and went to retrieve the items.

It was about twenty minutes later when Lily finally emerged. She looked white, as if she'd been sick. Remus eyed her questioningly but she just shook her head at him before helping the next customer.

“You okay?” Remus asked as few hours later, when the bar had started to die down.

Lily nodded, “I didn't expect that on my first day,” she said laughing softly. “I was spending so much time with boss man today, and then to see him get in a fight and not get in trouble for it just because he's in charge of the account, it just reminded me of Sev,”

Remus frowned, “did Snape- Severus, ever hurt you?”

“Not- not physically,” she said, not fully meeting Remus’s eyes, “but there were more than one occasions when he was… angry,”

Remus set down the glass he was wiping, and wrapped Lily in his arms. They stayed like that for a long moment, not caring about the patrons who needed serving, just enjoying being close.

Lily and Remus had spent a lot of time in university, pretending to date. Remus hadn't come out until their senior year, and Lily didn't like a lot of men, she was the kind to go for a best friend, rather than a cute stranger. As a result of their desire to ward off members of the opposite sex, and because their friendship had been so strong, they were used to being close with each other. Something in Remus’s heart ached as he held Lily to him, he hadn't had this kind of physical contact in a long long time.

They broke apart, Lily smiling weakly at him, and the night progressed.

* * *

 

By 2:15, most of the downstairs crowd had left and Remus decided to lock the front door, forcing those still on the upper levels to leave through the outside stairway. There was snow drifting by the windows and Remus watched it fondly as he set chairs on top of tables and swept the floor. Lily was closing the cash wrap, asking questions every now and again.

“What do we do if someone never closed out their tab?” She asked, worried, holding up a credit card. A familiar credit card.

Remus ducked under the bar to help her, taking Sirius Black’s card from her and smiling. “You close them out, give yourself a tip,” he punched the buttons, grinning to himself, “then put the receipt around the card like this,” he wrapped the card up in the receipt, “and put it under the wrap,” he lifted the cash tray and stowed the credit card in the small space.

Lily eyed him, “okay,” she said, grinning slightly, but she didn't say anything. Remus grinned to himself. Sirius would have to come back now, he needed his card. He'd seen Sirius lose his cool with boss man, but Remus was still insanely attracted to him. The words he’d yelled as he’s been dragged out of the bar kept running through his head.   _Try being proud._

Remus ducked back under the bar, and finished sweeping as Lily finished closing out the cash wrap. He swept the debris into a tin and rounded up the trash, calling to Lily that he’d be right back.

As he threw the bags in the dumpster he heard someone trying the front door, then a strange curse, “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ,”

Remus trotted around to the front door, and felt his heart jump.  Sirius was there, in a black leather jacket with a large paw print bedazzled in rainbow colors on the back. He was trotting down the steps, obviously having failed gaining entry into the Three Broomsticks.

Remus stepped forward, “can I help you?”

The man turned and Remus smiled as he blushed. He rubbed the back of his neck, nervously, “uh, yeah,” he said, not meeting Remus’s eyes, “you might not remember but I-”

“Opened a tab and then punched the boss man before being dragged out of here by your buddy? Yeah, I remember,”

Sirius looked up at him, a little surprised and Remus was pleased to see his blush deepen. He opened his mouth and closed it again, obviously nervous and not knowing what to say. “Don't worry, I'll go get your card,” Remus said, grinning, trying to convey a sense of calm.

“Thanks,” Sirius said, smiling back at Remus. Remus turned, heading back towards the back door. His heart was racing. He didn't want to stop talking to this man, this man who was _blushing_ around him. _Friendly or gay? Friendly or gay? Or just embarrassed?_ Remus reflected that Sirius probably wasn't proud of what had happened with Malfoy. Remus bringing it up hadn't been the smoothest move on his part.

“Lily!” He said as soon as the back door had closed behind him, he needed an outlet.

“What?!” She called back.

“Okay, so be cool,” he said, emerging behind the bar and starting to open the register, “but the guy outside in the leather jacket. Does he like men?”

Lily glanced outside and giggled, Remus didn't watch, he was too nervous to. “Honey, he has a rainbow paw print emblazoned on his jacket, your chances are high.  Remus grinned into the cash wrap, pulling out Sirius’s card, and closing the drawer.  “Good luck!” said Lily, winking.  Remus shook his head at her exasperatedly and headed back outside.

“Here you go,” he said, coming around the corner, and holding out Sirius’s card to him.

“Thanks,” said Sirius, taking it and putting it back in his wallet, “Sorry about that,”

Remus was surprised, this man was very embarrassed, he didn’t seem want to meet Remus’s eyes.  “You put on quite a show.  I can’t really complain,” said Remus, smiling, trying to relieve the tension.

Sirius snorted and chewed the inside of his lip, still not looking at Remus, “Well, I’m glad it was enjoyable for you,” he said, his voice not matching Remus’s humor.  Remus felt his heart sink, Sirius was upset, Sirius was embarrassed, and Remus couldn’t help feel guilty for trying to make light of it.  But, Sirius was still there, he hadn’t turned and left, he was looking down at his wallet as he fiddled with it.  Remus felt a sudden surge of bravery.

“You okay?” he asked, his voice genuine now, not the casual, blithe tone of before.

Sirius looked up at him, his eyes were sparkling.  Remus wondered if the other man had been crying recently. “No,” said Sirius, as his eyes sparkled even more, “No I’m not okay,”

Remus looked at him, he suddenly wanted nothing more than to wrap Sirius up in a big bear hug and tell him everything was going to be okay.  He was opening up to him, Remus, a complete stranger, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.  Remus felt his heart quicken. What was this man _doing_ to him?!  He felt brave and important, and this man seemed to be staring into his soul.  Remus resisted the urge to take one of Sirius’s hands, instead saying, “look, I get off in a few minutes. Wanna hang around? Talk about it?” His heart was beating fit to burst but he stayed still, trying not to show his nerves, but also trying to show that he mean it, he was being genuine.

“You don’t have to-” said Sirius quickly, the flush in his cheeks deepening, though his eyes still met Remus’s steadily, “I mean. You don’t know me, I’m sorry, that’s not right of me to-”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Remus smiling, “sometimes talking to a stranger is easier than talking to friends,” It was true, Remus had spent quite a lot of time talking to strangers about his own problems, therapists, doctors, even that medium his mother had wanted him to see.

“O-okay,” Sirius said, after a moment, smiling, “yeah, uh, thanks,”

Remus smiled back and held out his hand, “I’m Remus, by the way. Remus Lupin,”

“Nice to meet you, Remus,” said Sirius taking his hand and shaking it, “I’m Sirius Black,”

“Nice to meet you too, Sirius,” said Remus, grinning privately to himself.  “I’ll meet you out here in 10?”  Sirius nodded, and Remus headed back inside.

“Get it!” said Lily, as Remus told her what had happened, she was examining Sirius out the front window. The beautiful man was sitting on the front steps of the Three Broomsticks, smoking, and playing a game on his phone.

“Is he the one who punched boss man?” She asked after a moment.

Remus blushed, “yeah,” he said, not looking at Lily, “he seems to feel guilty about it, though,”

There was silence as they finished closing up the bar. The upper levels were now deserted. Remus and Lily said goodbye to Rosmerta and they headed downstairs to grab their things.

“Malfoy deserved it,” said Lily, unexpectedly. Remus looked at her surprised, she grinned, “I wanted to punch that mother fucker all night. I'm glad someone did,”

Remus laughed appreciatively and locked the door behind them as they left. Sirius was still sitting on the front steps, he looked up as they appeared. Snow was still falling and it had accumulated in his hair and on his shoulders. Remus couldn't hold back his smile. He looked like something out of a storybook, a storybook written just for him.

Lily coughed and Remus realized he was staring.

“Oh! Um, Lily, this is Sirius. Sirius, Lily, she's an old friend and bartender here,”

Sirius and Lily shook hands, “my mate has a big crush on you,” said Sirius, grinning at Lily.

Lily laughed a little bewildered, “did I meet him tonight?”

“No, he's too chicken to talk to the pretty bartender, unlike me,” he said.  Remus could have sworn Sirius had glanced at him as he’d said it, but it was probably a trick of the light.  Lily rolled her eyes.

“Well, let me know if he ever gets up the courage,” she said. “I'll see you tomorrow,” she said to Remus, and headed down the street, in the direction of her flat.

Remus waved after her, then turned back to Sirius. “So,” he said after a minute. It was suddenly very awkward, Remus didn't know what to say. He shivered against the snow. Being too cold for too long was never good for him, “Do you wanna go somewhere?” He asked after a minute, “some place that isn't snowing,”

“Yeah, sure,” Sirius said, glancing around, “there's a 24 hour donut shop a block away, wanna go there?”

“Yeah,” said Remus, relieved.

They walked in silence. Remus couldn’t tell if it was a awkward one or not. Sirius seemed preoccupied, like his mind was going a mile a minute.  Remus became very aware of his body, were his arms swinging too much? Was he walking too closely to the other man? What if he was walking too quickly? He did that sometimes, especially when he was nervous.  He took a deep breath and let it out slowly through his nose, something his mother had been making him do since he was 14.

“You okay?” Remus started and realized Sirius had been watching him.

“Y-yeah,” he stammered, blushing, “I guess I'm just nervous,” _Okay, so the truth is slipping out now, that’s just… great, and oh so attractive..._

Sirius chuckled appreciatively though, “you mean you don't get donuts at two thirty in the morning will all your customers?”

“No, I usually go home and pass the fuck out,”

Sirius chuckled as they walked into the donut shop. Sirius ordered a decaf coffee, and Remus his usual tea and they got a seat by the window.

“So,” said Remus, trying his best to stick to their reason of being there rather than admiring the man across from him, “what's going on?”

Sirius laughed into his mug, “You mean why did I punch your boss in the face?”

Remus looked down at his mug, grinning shyly, “He sort of needed to get punched,”

Sirius grinned, though it did not meet his eyes, “yeah, yeah he did,”

Remus straightened, looking at Sirius, “why?”

Sirius took a sip and sighed deeply, “I've known Malfoy for forever,” he said, keeping his eyes on the table between them, “he's always been an arrogant prick. Well, I found out today that he and-” he swallowed hard before continuing, “he and my brother… they used to be… involved,”

Remus could feel his eyebrows threatening to disappear into his hairline.   _Malfoy… gay?_

“And he convinced my brother to basically pretend to be straight because it was the ‘right and expected thing to do’,”

Remus whistled low, “damn.”  Sirius wasn’t looking at him, but tracing the edge of his mug with his thumb.

“Yeah,” he said softly.

“And, you found this out… tonight?”

Sirius nodded.

“I’m sorry, mate,”

He couldn’t think of anything else to say.  What _could_ one say to that?  Remus had a feeling that Sirius wasn’t quite done, though, he could almost feel the angst spewing out of the other man, so he just sat, waiting.

“It wasn’t just that he did that,” said Sirius after a moment.  Remus leaned back in his chair, bracing himself.  “My brother and I… well let’s just say we have our differences.  But, I get along better with him than with most of our family. My… my parents disowned me when I came out to them, and that probably lead him to thinking that he couldn’t _be_ out.  Except, that I’m okay.  I mean, I don’t like my family, so I don’t really know what it’s like to be without them, they were never there for me, they never showed me that they cared, even before I came out.  So when I did and it was ‘the worst thing to ever happen’, I left. And I was fine. I mean I had my mates, I had my people, I was okay.  I made it work.  Yeah, it was hard but it was so much easier than being in the closet. And, if I had known… If I had known that he felt like he couldn’t come out, that he couldn’t talk to anyone…” Sirius took a deep breath, steadying himself, “I guess, it just hurts that he didn’t think he could come to me.  When my parents disowned me, he was still there, he was still my brother.  Yeah we weren’t best friends, but I would do anything for him, and he knows that and so… for him to not… to not trust me… it just hurts a lot, you know?  And, I know Malfoy probably had something to do with it, but Reg had to make that choice himself, you know? He was influenced and manipulated, but in the end he made that choice.  He’s not a stupid person, so it was an informed decision, and it’s just hard… hard to think that he didn’t... come to... me, that he didn’t look up to his big brother anymore,”

Sirius stopped talking.  He was looking sadly at his mug, breathing hard.  Remus could see tears threatening to fall.  He felt an odd sense of warmth for this man across the table from him.  This man was opening up to him in a way that, Remus hadn't experienced in years. He was comfortable and vulnerable with a complete stranger.

“I don't want a solution,” said Sirius, suddenly, still not looking at Remus, “I don't need to be fixed or helped, I guess. My mates get it, they know what I've been through, they've seen it. But maybe they're too close to see if I'm being unreasonable. I mean, I know I shouldn't have punched Malfoy. I should have just let it be. But is it wrong to be upset?” He looked up at Remus at this, his brow furrowed, “Am I being crazy? I'm upset, but do I have any right to be?”

“Of course you do,” said Remus quickly, “he’s your brother, you’d do anything for him - you said so yourself.  Of course it hurts, of course you want your brother to trust and to be able to come to you.  I don’t have a brother, but I know what it’s like to disappoint your family.  It’s hard.  It hurts.  I’m- I’m sorry you had to go through that,”

Sirius had not broken their eye contact.  Their mugs were growing cold, the shop was empty, even the clerk had gone into the backroom.  Remus could feel an electricity coming off of the other man.  Sirius’s hand was resting on the table, and Remus reached out and grabbed, bracingly, without even realizing what he was doing.  Sirius did not flinch away, nor did he break eye contact.

“I’m so sorry,” said Remus again, “You shouldn’t have to go through that,”

Sirius just looked at him.  There was a small smile playing his lips.

“Thank you,”

They stayed like that for a long time, not talking, their hands still intertwined on the table top.  Finally, when their mugs were empty, Sirius took his hand back.

“I’m sorry,” said Remus quickly, looking down at his mug, his face flushing.  He felt like he’d been in a haze for past hour or so, ever since he’d seen Sirius in front of the Three Broomsticks.

“Why?” said Sirius who had stood up and was now putting on his jacket.  Remus opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, Sirius had extended his hand, to help Remus to his feet. “Let me walk you home?” Sirius asked, smiling.

Remus’s heart seemed to skip several beats at once.  He took Sirius’s hand and stood up, pulling on his own coat.

They walked in comfortable silence for several blocks.  Remus felt overwhelmed.  He was nervous and giddy, and yet also comfortable and confident. It was as if his brain was trying them all one for size and couldn’t figure out which one fit best.  They got to Remus’s flat and Remus stopped, looking at Sirius.

“Thank you for listening,” said Sirius, before Remus could say anything.

“Of course,” said Remus, smiling in spite of himself, “happy to help,”

Sirius smiled back, “Why?” he asked suddenly.

“What?”

“Why did you offer to talk?”

“Oh!” Remus rubbed the back of his neck, nervously, “You just seemed like you needed someone to talk to,”

Sirius looked at him, grinning slyly, there was a twinkle in his eye that Remus hadn’t seen there before, “You sure there was no ulterior motive?”

Remus felt his face flush, but his brain was currently trying on confidence, so he said, “Well, you were also the hottest guy I served tonight, so I might as well get a chance to know you,”

Sirius laughed, truely laughed.  His whole face lit up and his mouth fell open as a laugh like a bark fell out of it.  Remus just looked at him, surprised, “What?” he said.

“You- you were just-” Sirius was trying to catch his breath, “you were just so innocent throughout the night, who would’ve thought that you’re secretly a stud?”

“What?! I’m not a- a stud!” Remus’s brain had taken off confidence and was fitting comfortably inside bewilderment.

Sirius chuckled, one side of his mouth pulled up in a lopsided grin.  “Maybe not,” he said looking at Remus, “but I’d like to find out.  It’s not everyday you get to hangout with the hot bartender after work,”

Remus’s face was really red now, but he grinned back at Sirius.

“Are you working tomorrow?” Sirius asked before Remus could say anything.

“Uh… yeah, but I get off around 4,”

“Would you like do something, then?” Sirius had stopped laughing at this point and was looking at Remus sincerely.

“Yeah,” the word was out of Remus’s mouth before he could stop it.  He liked Sirius, he was insanely attractive, he was generous, he was considerate.   _He punches people in bars_ , said a little voice in the back of his mind, but he pushed it away.  Sirius was already grinning.

“Great!”

“I- I get off at 4,” said Remus, “But I’ve got an appointment right after that.  Would you want to come around for tea afterwards?  Maybe around 6?”

Sirius, whose grin had faltered slightly, smiled brightly again, “Yeah, I’d like that,” he said.  

“It’s a date then,” said Remus.  

“Yeah,” Sirius looked up at in to Remus’s eyes and bit his lip, “Yeah, it’s a date,”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please comment with whatever you feel the need to say :)  
> Also, if you're so inclined, you can find me on tumblr here: hpfandomfanfiction.tumblr.com


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